What will weddings be like when they return?
If you've been faced with the decision to postpone your wedding or pivot to a virtual gathering or smaller event or elopement, you've probably had to confront your feelings about what it really means to have everyone you love together in one place in a way we previously took for granted. Or if your wedding is still far enough away you’re hopeful it can continue as planned, you might still be reconsidering the new relevance of gathering everyone you know, physically, in one space. As acclaimed wedding photographer John Dolan mused on his blog, “After this time of isolation, when we next hear the sweet words ‘Dearly beloved, we are gathered here…,’ what will weddings be like? Will they follow old formulas, or will something new emerge to reflect what we have all been through? Will they be ecstatic celebrations in exotic destinations? Will they be small, intimate gatherings close to home? I suspect the latter. Either way, we will see powerful rituals, packed with emotion.”
I’ve believed for awhile that wedding traditions are ripe for a shake-up. At so many weddings that followed the same template, I sensed a missed opportunity for deeper meaning. All the elements were in place, and yet something was missing. I wondered why more people didn’t personalize their weddings, but realized many people simply don’t know how, or where to begin. Or even that it’s “allowed.” Some wedding rituals have been repeated so many times that we're emotionally attached to the form even though it might not accurately reflect our values and beliefs or those of our community. When something has been baked into our very understanding of what makes a wedding a wedding, it’s hard to let go of it.
We should not be on autopilot when planning our weddings, or attending them. We have an opportunity to rethink traditions and rituals and create something entirely new with the purpose of deepening our relationships and connections with our community. My hope is that before too long, real life events will reemerge with a deeper appreciation and consideration for what it means to be together. I hope not too many will have to trade the real for the virtual, because there really is no substitution for the intimacy and connectedness of gathering in person. The hugs and tears and moments of magic. But if gathering everyone together isn’t a realistic option, technology offers an abundance of opportunity to still create a meaningful event with those both near and far, like this beautiful wedding that took place on the couple’s front stoop in Brooklyn, followed by a virtual block party with everyone who couldn’t attend in person. For postponed weddings there’s an opportunity for two distinct ceremonies: a private, personal ritual to denote the original date, and the larger celebration for family and friends.
A lot of wedding experts are predicting a future trend of smaller, more intimate gatherings, a change I endorse. I’ve had the blessing of attending many small weddings, from six people to around thirty, that were some of the most meaningful events I attended. It was obvious the attendees were the cream of the crop, the most beloved and integral to the couple’s inner circle. And the intimacy allowed couples to spend time connecting with each individual rather than brief, impersonal appearances at each table.
My hope for the future of weddings is that we will be asking ourselves: What do we keep? And what needs to go? And that this moment of pause and imposed separation will have us rethinking the answers to those questions with intention and heart.
